Its 7:30 am, I have been awake for 2 hours. When I was pregnant my biggest parent fear was the loss of sleep. Not child birth, not keeping another tiny and fragile human alive. It was how I was going to do all those things without any sleep.
In the before time, I was child free and well rested. I would head to bead around 10:00pm and wake up for work around 7:00am. The weekends started around 9am. I have never been a night owl, so early to bed was fine with me. Most Sundays included a good 2 hour nap on the couch while watching football or The Walking Dead marathons. It was a glorious time, and I truly did not appreciate what I had until it was gone.
They say sleep is essential. It’s the antidote to aging, weigh gain, anxiety, inflammation, and just you over all well being. If you see my around town, overweight, bloated, frazzled and wrinkled I have an excuse. I can’t sleep. This doesn’t seem to be a Dad problem, at least not in my household. Sure we both have rough nights, but on average I would say I function on about 2 hours less sleep per night than my husband. It’s not his fault, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t resent this a little bit.
But my lack of sleep isn’t all my fault. Sure there are sleepless nights filled with worry but for the most part, this is Rivers’ fault. He used to be a great sleeper. He napped until he was 4.5, he slept 12 hours at night, it was wonderful. I don’t know what changed, but something did. It is well known in the autism community that sleep is something our kids cannot seem to manage. I don’t know why, someone who is an expert in autism and spectrum disorders probably has a scientific explanation for this. But to be frank, it doesn’t really matter why.
It’s not uncommon for Rivers to be up at 5 or 5:30. Bedtime is 7:30, but I guarantee you he doesn’t fall asleep until 8/8:30. So we are looking at roughly 9 hours of sleep for him per night, he should be getting 11. Twice this week he was up at 1:30 am and came downstairs to start his day. Obviously I did what I could and got him back into his bed, but how does one force another to actually fall into a slumber? If you have the secret, please share.
I am not against sleep aids, like melatonin, and will use them on occasion. But falling asleep isn’t really the problem so melatonin is basically useless. And as far as I know, sleep through the night isn’t the problem, so things like magnesium doesn’t really make sense either. He simply doesn’t need to function on as much sleep as he needs. It’s infuriating and exhausting. And once the kids are awake, I am awake; even if I am not physically out of bed. I assume it’s this way for all mothers, a biological response.
I really don’t have a point to this post except to vent. I am tired. I wonder if I will ever NOT be tired. Its hard to see my way out of the place of pure exhaustion. Maybe it will come, or maybe it’s time to accept that my wrinkled face and over caffeinated body is the new normal. Only time will tell. I was searching for a hilarious quote about tired moms (there are so many). But I stumbled across this gem. I truly believe that things are put in our paths for a reason, and I needed to read this today.
Typically Atypical 