Today was my annual ARD meeting for Rivers. If you haven’t had a pleasure of attending an ARD meeting as a parent, let me just outline the experience. I compare it to someone ripping your toenails off with pliers or taking a shiv to the eye. I would rather potty train a thousand toddlers than sit through another ARD meeting. But sadly I am out of toddlers and Rivers is only in Kindergarten so I have at least 12 more of these to go.
So if you don’t know what an ARD is, it’s where a team of people sit down with you and outline goals for your child. In their defense, I am grateful this is even an option and they don’t just stick him in a self contained classroom like they would have in the 50s. The goals range from social, to academic, to behavioral. I really am grateful for the teachers and support staff that want Rivers to succeed and can help set realistic goals to get him there. It’s actually a great system. And I know I have teacher friends who have sat in on these and I know its not fun for them either.
But as a parent, it’s not amazing. Its a room full experts telling me all about my child’s shortcomings. Its a 30 minute meeting highlighting all of these area where most children can function, but mine cannot. And it feels like their sole purpose is to offer the bare minimum. They are caught between wanting (and being legally required) to offer services and manage the cost of these services. I get it, its not an easy place to be. On average a special ed student costs nearly $10,000 more than a general ed student. That money has to come from somewhere, and it come from my pocket. And I don’t know about you, but I have little desire to pay MORE in taxes.
And honestly I don’t really know what goes on into offering services. I am making assumptions that they don’t freely offer more because of this. But I can’t say I have proof of that. I think Rivers needs more time with an aid. He has trouble focusing and isn’t getting his work done when the aid isn’t there. To me, that is a great reason to have more time with an aid. But there is a bureaucratic process to get that, including requiring evidence, which of course I rely on the school to provide. So see where its feels like I am chasing my tail?
The problem is that I love these people. They are kind, and helpful; they spend all day with my son and I know they want him to succeed. But I think the shackles of budgets were removed, they would agree with me. I can’t be sure of that of course, but I suspect it’s the case.
The struggle with patenting is that we highlight our own failures. I am sure we put more emphasis on them, then our children do. I hope, they don’t remember every mistake I make, I certainly don’t remember everything my parents did wrong. But with Rivers, the stakes are higher. Today, I feel like I failed him. Maybe that extra aid time would make the difference between performing at or above his grade and falling behind. Maybe it would allow him to stay in the classroom with his peers instead of heading to the Stars room in isolation. Or maybe he doesn’t need that time. He will still get an aid during the day, so it’s not a total loss. But it still feels like I lost this battle.
Typically Atypical 