Category: Autism

Recently one of my favorite TV shows came to an end. And no, I am not talking about Game of Thrones, my therapist says I don’t have to talk about that until I am ready.

I absolutely loved The Big Bang Theory. There are very few television shows, at least on network TV that are really clever and entertaining. It was a typical cheesy sitcom, but just the right amount of reality to keep me invested. I loved the nerdy aspect, the heroes of the story not fitting the typical mold of what you find in entertainment. And of course the love story of the beautiful girl falling for the nerd. I mean it’s basically the story of my marriage. Bazinga.

The ending to the show was predictably perfect. By far it was my favorite series finale this year. But in the last couple years, something about the show really came to bother me.

Sheldon.

Jim Parsons really played the role perfectly, I loved his portrayal of the character, he was so incredible it might be to his detremint.

But, let’s call a spade a spade; Sheldon Cooper is autistic.

“I can justify his diagnosis with this asterisk because it changes your perception of it.”

They never specifically addressed this in the show, but gave him all the characteristics of high function Autism, what used to be diagnosed Aspergers. The extreme structure, lack of social skills and inability to cope with change. He has his tribe that would tolerate his “quirks” though they would tease him about it or talk about him behind his back. Imagine if his “quirks” were down syndrome, or paralysis or even something more common like depression. Would the jokes and the teasing be met with the same laughter.

It is absolutely never ok to make fun or judge someone for something they cannot change. I believe that to my core, from the color of someone’s skin, to their abilities, down to the things you cannot see like mental illness, or in our case, Autism.

Now listen, I am not an overly sensitive person. I don’t mind crude humor that mocks. I am a lover of South Park and Dave Chappelle and I can laugh at exaggerated, real life humor. But I will never laugh at a sexual assault joke. I am not offended by The Big Bang Theory, I loved the show until the end. I won’t write and angry letter, or share my discontent with the shows producers. It was still entertaining, and I am not angry, thats not what this post is about.

“It’s not about going out of my way to tell everyone, it’s about allowing Rivers to truly be free, and not chained to his diagnosis.”

To me, this is just a representation of how the world views autistics. Most of us aren’t quite sure what to think or how to act. As if they are some sort of aliens that we know nothing about. And I’ll be honest here and say, even I feel this way sometimes (ok a lot of the time). But I wonder why they never called Sheldon autistic. Was it because he would be a less like-able character? Would consumers not watch a show that was centered around an adult with special needs? Are we not there yet?

Is autism so taboo that we can’t address it in a public setting? On a platform that has the opportunity to educate and enlighten a mass amount of people. Why is it ok that a person has the qualities of an autistic person, but we dare not call them that?

I think a lot of us probably know a Sheldon. Maybe he/she doesn’t have the mind of a genius, but you can identify similar characteristics. We know more now than we used to; autism used to be only diagnosed for the severe. In fact they used to have a completely different diagnosis for level 1, or higher functioning people called Aspergers. I feel like a lot of moms of higher functioning kids still prefer to call it Aspergers, at least at first. It is more comfortable to say, as if it somehow changes the diagnosis. I am not exempt from this feeling; I can justify his diagnosis with this asterisk because it changes your perception of it.

But I am working on it. It took me a long time to write this post, almost 2 weeks. I kept coming back to it, because it felt like such a rant. I don’t want this blog to be a place where I complain and play the victim. I want to share the real and unfiltered, and I want to share just a little bit of insight into my world. I am still learning. Its easy for me to type this out, but its so much harder to put into practice. I shared our story just a couple months ago, but I still find it hard to say to people that I KNOW have read it. I am trying to be strong and unashamed. It’s not about going out of my way to tell everyone, it’s about allowing Rivers to truly be free, and not chained to his diagnosis.

I care way too much about what people think of me. The idea that someone might not like me keeps me up at night; and unfortunately thats not an exaggeration. I don’t want to be this person. I want to be fearlessly me, the flaws and imperfections, the goofy personality, the person that can be incredibly intelligent and eloquent and but still (often) says really stupid things. I should be unapologetically me. It feels weird to say that I am inspired by autism because I think most people think of it as a tragedy. I am not one of those people, but that’s because I am living in this world. If you asked me 7 years ago, my tune was certainly different.

The thing about Autism is that social intricacies seem to be lacking. They don’t necessarily pick up on societal norms, the little rules most of us follow without even thinking about it.

I was dropping Rivers off at school this morning. Almost every day he runs through the front doors. We aren’t late, he just likes to run I guess. I can’t really tell you why. But he is always the only kid running, everyone else just leisurely strolling inside. He is completely unaware that no one else is running. He doesn’t seem to care that its completely unnecessary to run. He likes it, and he does it. Sometimes we ride his bike to school. He still has training wheels, and might be the only kid in school that does. And he doesn’t care! One of his classmates even commented on it, and he still was completely unphased. Something that might embarrass me, because I am not doing what everyone else is, doesn’t impact his life at all.

I just got back from St Lois for a photography convention. It’s such an intense 2 day conference with classes all day, photoshoots all night, and a party at all times. I focus my days on business classes and some photography education (this year I focused on off camera light and video). But the last night, there was great music and maybe a few hard ciders. I wanted to dance. Its important to know I am not a good dancer. Alcohol makes me think I am, but I have seen the footage, I am not. But I decided not to care. I knew maybe 5 people in the room, the music was great and I wanted to have a good time. People teased me (in a light hearted, friendly way) and I legitimately did not care. Now, all of those people with video footage know I will send the KBG after them if it ever sees the light of day. But I had a blast! I looked ridiculous, but for once in my adult life, I didn’t wonder what other people thought of me. It isn’t important to me if they think I am ridiculous. In fact, I bet lots of people wish they had the courage to join me.

Its funny, because I think about how much fun I had, and how much I didn’t care. But I am still reeling in my random act of confidence even a week later wondering if my sweet white girl dance moves will make the promo video for next years conference. And what if next year, before any hard ciders, someone remembers me. And what if they form an opinion about me before they ever even talk to me. What do I do with myself?

I know that Rivers will eventually figure out that he is different. That maybe people will form an opinion about him if he runs into school when no one else does. I know that it’s not only his autism that makes him unaware of social conventions but his age as well. I dread the day that he come home crying because someone made fun of him. I know it’s coming, and probably very soon. I don’t remember when I starting caring about other people’s opinions of me, I assume somewhere around middle school when girls really start to suck. But I hope, that just maybe this can be an upside to autism. To be exactly who he wants to be without fear of judgment.